.
The
two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the
invention of the wheel.
Beer
required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
The
wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These
two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst
for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1.
Liberals.
2.
Conservatives.
Some
men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they
were drinking beer. This
was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other
men who were less skilled at hunting learned to live off
the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing,
fetching, and hairdressing.
This
was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some
of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as girlie-men.
Some noteworthy
Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group
therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to
divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over
the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land
animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals
are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern
Liberals like lite beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or
imported bottled water. They
eat raw fish but like their beef well done.
Sushi,
tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare.
Another
interesting evolutionary side note: many Liberal women have higher testosterone
levels than their men.
Most
college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film
makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are Liberals.
Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives
drink real beer. They
eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives
are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen,
medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes,
members of the military, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works
productively.
Conservatives
who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a
living.
Liberals
produce little or nothing.
They
like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than
Americans.
That
is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to
America.
They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get
more for nothing.
Here
ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal may have
a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
A
Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this
history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers and to just
piss off more liberals.
And
there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self. I'm going to have
another beer.
.
